Untying the knot
A few weeks ago, talks about love and relationships seemed to be the only topic floating around me. I’d heard it from an officemate, a relative and a close friend. Break-ups, marriages, cold shoulders, all common reactions on love. It got me thinking about my past and how easy it was for me heal from relationships, be it friend or lover. Of course, I can’t forget about the relationship and I loved the person, but once it’s over I’d slip out of love as easily as I’d slipped in. I feel like I’d been skipping out on the “closure” process. Some friends would even accuse me of not loving in the first place, as the reason I find it easy to heal. But if I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t even bother going into the relationship in the first place.
But still, why do I heal fast?
I found my answer in a book I was reading last night. And I’ve included it here.
It’s a wonderful excerpt from Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh : Only Losers Can Win This Game (A Darshan Diary). Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh is also called Osho and Acharya Rajneesh.*
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p. 296-297
In fact attachment is a barrier to love. People have the wrong notion: they think that attachment is love; it is not. Attachment is just the opposite of love. Attachment is fear, not love; attachment is possession, not love. Attachment is a kind of politics, diplomacy, strategy, but not love. Love need not be attached. And if this understanding is coming to you—that you are tired of attachment then drop attachment. That is not a step in dropping love; in fact that is a step in growing towards love. But the mind is very much confused about love and attachment. One has to be very alert, only then can one remain loving; otherwise attachment settles. And it gives trouble, it creates misery.
When attachment creates misery you start getting tired of attachment, then naturally of love too. Then one becomes afraid of love because one sees if you love, attachment comes in. They are not necessarily connected; they are only connected in our ignorance, in our unawareness. They are not connected themselves, they are poles apart. In fact it is a miracle how we manage them together in the same bed! They are not bedfellows; they cannot be. They are not a couple. Attachment is poison to love.
If you can drop attachment, then give it a try again. There is no need to separate. Just drop attachment, be friends, be loving. Give it two month's more grace! But this time no jealousy, no conflict. If he goes to some other woman, say good-bye and welcome him when he comes back. Don't ask him where he has been and what he is doing; that is none of your business! (to yatri) If sarita goes to somebody else and is happy, you need not be worried about it; in fact you should be happy that she is happy.Love would like the other to be happy wherever the other is happy. Love bestows happiness on the other. And it was a great insight that you came to last night—that deep down you somehow wanted her to be sad. That is violence—that is not love—but that's what goes on. We go on saying that we want to be happy and that we want the other to be happy, but deep down we want the other's happiness only in reference to us.
You would have felt happy if she were miserable because that would really give you power—that she cannot live without you, that she cannot exist without you, that you are so important, that you are so significant. But she was happy.. . and this was going to be the last day: I was going to separate you today! It was going to be a divorce—and she was happy. That hurts.
Two months more! (laughter) But in these two months, no jealousy.
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* He is an Indian spiritual leader who preached an eclectic doctrine of eastern mysticsism, individual devotion and sexual freedom.
But still, why do I heal fast?
I found my answer in a book I was reading last night. And I’ve included it here.
It’s a wonderful excerpt from Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh : Only Losers Can Win This Game (A Darshan Diary). Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh is also called Osho and Acharya Rajneesh.*
-0-
p. 296-297
In fact attachment is a barrier to love. People have the wrong notion: they think that attachment is love; it is not. Attachment is just the opposite of love. Attachment is fear, not love; attachment is possession, not love. Attachment is a kind of politics, diplomacy, strategy, but not love. Love need not be attached. And if this understanding is coming to you—that you are tired of attachment then drop attachment. That is not a step in dropping love; in fact that is a step in growing towards love. But the mind is very much confused about love and attachment. One has to be very alert, only then can one remain loving; otherwise attachment settles. And it gives trouble, it creates misery.
When attachment creates misery you start getting tired of attachment, then naturally of love too. Then one becomes afraid of love because one sees if you love, attachment comes in. They are not necessarily connected; they are only connected in our ignorance, in our unawareness. They are not connected themselves, they are poles apart. In fact it is a miracle how we manage them together in the same bed! They are not bedfellows; they cannot be. They are not a couple. Attachment is poison to love.
If you can drop attachment, then give it a try again. There is no need to separate. Just drop attachment, be friends, be loving. Give it two month's more grace! But this time no jealousy, no conflict. If he goes to some other woman, say good-bye and welcome him when he comes back. Don't ask him where he has been and what he is doing; that is none of your business! (to yatri) If sarita goes to somebody else and is happy, you need not be worried about it; in fact you should be happy that she is happy.Love would like the other to be happy wherever the other is happy. Love bestows happiness on the other. And it was a great insight that you came to last night—that deep down you somehow wanted her to be sad. That is violence—that is not love—but that's what goes on. We go on saying that we want to be happy and that we want the other to be happy, but deep down we want the other's happiness only in reference to us.
You would have felt happy if she were miserable because that would really give you power—that she cannot live without you, that she cannot exist without you, that you are so important, that you are so significant. But she was happy.. . and this was going to be the last day: I was going to separate you today! It was going to be a divorce—and she was happy. That hurts.
Two months more! (laughter) But in these two months, no jealousy.
-0-
* He is an Indian spiritual leader who preached an eclectic doctrine of eastern mysticsism, individual devotion and sexual freedom.